22 February, 2016


I'm an incredibly fair skinned and freckled person and I have been vigilant about keeping an eye on my skin over the years as an adult and protecting it with sunscreen, due to the fact that my mother has had melanoma twice. 

During my pregnancy with the boys, I had a skin spot/discoloration that changed in size and color, so I had it checked out by a dermatologist. It was fine, it was measured and looked at with a fancy little light thingy. All was well and he said to keep an eye on it. 

During my pregnancy with, Olivia, it changed again...

Josh, on several occasions mentioned that I should have it looked at, but because I was pregnant I didn't have the energy or mental focus to deal with anything else, if you know what I mean. 

I had it checked out on January the 25th... On the 27th the biopsy came back and I was told I had Melanoma.


Those words hit me right in the gut, really hard...


What. the. actual. fuck.

I was at work with a million things going on with it being my first week back from maternity leave, and it really stopped my in my tracks. I fully expected it to be nothing at all... 

I was immediately scheduled with a plastic surgeon for surgery to have a WLE. The very next week I saw the plastic surgeon and by the end of that same week I was having surgery to remove it.

I have a pretty gnarly scar.

In the end I'm incredibly lucky to have a caught my melanoma in the earliest stage. The surgeon was able to get clear margins, and those are definitely the magic words you want to hear. So right now, all is good and no further treatment is needed. I will need to see my dermatologist every 3 months for the next 2 years, and every 6 months after that... Basically the dermatologist and I are going to become good friends. I'm fine with that.

I'm so grateful to be this lucky and that I didn't procrastinate, because if I'd waited another year this could be a completely different story to tell. 

With that being said... it's been a little bit of a mind fuck. Sorry about the language, but internally I was freaking out, while putting on my "cool" face. Now that I have children... it completely changes the way I feel about death and anything that could cause death. the word Cancer is freaking scary as hell. 

I feel nervous and paranoid about my skin now... like it's a ticking time bomb waiting to attack me. I'm only 32 and my body has allowed cancer to grow... even if it was the earliest stage, just the fact that my body could allow that to happen... scares me. You can best believe that I will not miss a single appointment with my dermatologist. EVER, and I don't care if I have a hundred biopsy scars to check silly little skin spots...I will not let me body betray me, again. 

One of my friends, and ex coworker, lost his mom to melanoma a few years ago... it was heartbreaking... it happened fast, and they never found the actual spot or site where the Melanoma originated from... that is what scare me most... not catching something. 

Obviously, I'm more than lucky in this entire situation, and can't live my life in fear... but I will be extra proactive, and be the best advocate I can be for skin cancer awareness. 

If you are reading this and you have a mole or skin spot you've been worried about, and have been putting it off... PLEASE, please, please go and get it checked out, because what you don't know can hurt you. 

19 February, 2016

Life Update

Hello, friends!!

Just popping in for a little Life Update

Soooo.... it's obviously been ages since I last blogged, and I'm soooorrrry. 

I mean my goodness. It looks like the last blog was back in October 2014, when the boys were about 9 months old. A lot has happened since then...

A lot

In December of 2014 my job title changed drastically and I began to work really, really long hours... booooo. Operations manager of a busy downtown hotel was not very friendly when it came to family life.I was only seeing the boys for about an hour to an hour and a half before they went to bed for the evening. It was really hard to only have that much time with them, especially considering how hard we tried to have children. It also made vlogging and blogging pretty much impossible with two little ones on top of crazy work hours.

Armor and Ronin, are now two years old and crazy as ever... We lovingly call them our tiny little tornadoes of velociraptors, ah aha... that one is actually more fitting. They talk so much and it's been so amazing to watch them grow into toddlers vs. infants. They make me crazy and amaze me every single day.

Also. . . 

I had another BABY!!!!


Oh my gosh!

How'd that happen?!? 

Aren't you infertile!?!


Sometimes... life throws you a well deserved surprise!

We were shocked, beyond shocked, and it honestly took us a little bit to get use to the idea that we were adding another baby to the family. It was so weird to know my body did what it was supposed to do all on its own... such a strange feeling. 

Right after the boys turned one
is when it happened... NO we were not trying, and to be honest we never thought we'd have anymore children. I thought for sure we'd have to bust into our frozen embryo storage.. It was pretty much a surprise and what I like to call our "valentines love baby" haha. I found out at the beginning of March right after our sweet Roxy passed away... She gave us 14 fantastic years of being the most awesome dog we'll ever have in our lifetime. Josh graduated with his Associate Degree in Applied Science in May and we found out the very same day we were having a GIRL!!!! How incredibly lucky are we???

We also decided to donate our 13 remaining embryos. We donated them to our fertility clinic so that other couples could adopt them. We both feel really good about our decision, and it's a little hard to believe that someone will be having our children... CRAZY!!!

Josh took the summer off from school and stayed home with the boys while I worked, then returned to school in September to continue with his Bachelor degree... I have an relatively uneventful pregnancy, but did wind up dealing with Gestational Diabetes. Luckily, I was able to keep it under control with diet restriction - yay, go me!!

I gave birth to Olivia Rose Bernard on November 9th, 2015, ironically it was the same date that I had my last miscarriage back in 2011. We defiantly came full circle.

Olivia was born at 5:19 pm 
weighted 8lbs 5oz.

Her birth was fantastic and I delivered with the midwives 
just like I did with the boys. I made a birth vlog video, so I'll share the link with y'all  Birth Vlog

I took 3 months off for maternity leave and wound up finding a new job the same week I returned to work. I put my notice in and bam... I have a new job in a completely different industry with a M-F 8/5 kinda hours. I could not be more happy for this change in employment and having more time with my family.  Obviously I'd love to stay home, but that is just not the season of our life right now. Josh is seriously an amazing dad, he is so great... I could not ask for a better husband, friend and father for our children. I truly love him more than I could ever appropriately articulate into words. 

So for now that is it. I'm going to start blogging a bit more since I don't have time to Vlog. I totally miss vlogging, but it takes so much time to edit, blah... 

I feel like I'm in a part of my life where if feels right to blog again!

Right now...overall,  life is good, I'm blessed in more was than I can count and I'm incredibly lucky for all that I have.