31 August, 2013

Twin Gender Reveal!!

When old blogger friends are finding my Facebook and YouTube to find out what is going on in my life, I know it is about time to make another blog post, haha. 

I'm really sorry for keeping my readers in the dark. I feel so bad sometimes that I have thrown blogger to the side, but making a post these days seems so difficult, my brain starts off fairly well and then it all turns to crap and mush. I guess we as bloggers all have phases in life where blogging is needed and when it isn't. I've often blogged in times of sadness and personal exploration. I think. . . I have also felt awkward about putting all my pregnancy stuff here since it was always my infertility blog. I know how hard it was as an infertile to see nothing but pregnancy posts in my blog feed, so I didn't want to do that to anyone.

So without too much babbling. . .

We found out recently that we are having twin BOYS!!!! 
It was such an amazing feeling finding out, truly indescribable. Josh and I could not be any happier.

We found out on a Monday and had a party with friends and family on that following Tuesday. 
It was soooo much fun. I will post the video link below for anyone that wants to watch our Gender Reveal and us finding out the genders at out anatomy scan.

Life is changing. . .
I am so excited, so happy and so blessed to be here today at18 weeks pregnant with two precious little boys. I am the happiest I've been in a really, really, really long time.

On another note. . .
I miss my Mom (grandma) so much. . . I still have days where I suddenly realize, again, that she isn't here and it's like a stabbing pain in my heart. Sometimes the feeling will catch me by surprise and that is really the worst. :( I drive and hear songs that bring tears to my eyes, I think of her often and wish to tell her so many things. I still have nights where I'm alone and I cry and think of her and the friendship that we shared. Life has been a little crazy with my Dad since she's been gone, but that is a whole other story. I still can't believe she is not here with me; that I don't make the trek across town each week to see her. I never could have imagined I'd miss it this much. She would be absolutely thrilled to know we were having twins and that we've made it this far, she was a twin her self!!! When I had the last miscarriage in 2011, I just remember crawling into bed with her on one of my visits and bawling my eyes out. She rubbed my hands the way she always did, pet my hair and told me one day I would be a mother, that she just knew it. Outside of blogging and my best friend Anna, she was the only person I really talked to about my infertility struggles. She always asked me about it and I always felt okay talking to her, because she truly listened to everything and knew just how much my heart hurt. . . I miss her so much *sigh*.

Any-who. . .Other than losing her almost 7 months ago - Life is great, I am blessed and in love with these little boys already. Josh has been amazing to me, truly amazing. He is so excited and this pregnancy has changed us both in so many ways already.

Gender Reveal!!

Most recent pregnancy Vlog - 17 weeks!!