08 May, 2012

CD 2 - IUI #3 - Baseline

 
I know it has been a while and I've been rather quiet on the blogging front, but I am still here living in my own quiet little bubble. *sigh* I've been lurking about, reading posts here and there. To be honest. . . I haven't had the energy or even the ability to focus long enough to write out a post or comment on anyone's posts. I've had many things jumbling around in my head, but nothing that could be strewn together and actually called sentences or paragraphs. I have been everywhere except in my head, and usually it's the opposite way around. I have been dealing with some family issues as of late and lets just say - My side of the family is so effing crazy extremely draining emotionally. I love them, but holy crap are they a handful, plus they will never change and sometimes it is just too much. I'll have to save all that crazy drama for a rainy day, lol. I enjoyed my break from ttc'ing. I got out of the house more this month than I have in the last several months. If felt great. This past weekend Josh and I went out to celebrate a good friends Birthday. It was Saturday, Cinco De Mayo, on the lake, suuuuper nice. We sat out by the lake drinking beer, enjoying the sun and good company :) It was exactly what we I needed!! On Sunday we cooked Shrimp and Sausage Jambalaya and Burgers for my In-laws :) Josh's Mom is leaving on Saturday of this week, one day before Mothers day, so dinner was a good idea since she'll be in Louisiana for the next month. I'm glad the ttc break is over and that this month we have an actual goal: To Get Pregnant!!

AF finally arrived on Monday the 7th *Happy Dance* IUI # 3 Here we come!!!

It was CD 37. wtf AF, trying to make a girl crazy??? I haven't been that late in a really long time. I was definitely stomping my feet and tapping my fingers. I didn't think that I was pregnant, I knew I wasn't, I was just annoyed at having to wait around like that. Hahaha. My guess is that it's, because I wasn't on any hormones this month. Over the last few months I had been on meds, so I think going Au natural made my body for get what it was supposed to do, go figure.

I went in for my Baseline ultrasound today (CD2)! And, everything looked as good as we could possibly expect for someone with Stage IV Endo :| On Wednesday I'll pick up my prescription for Letrozole, start taking it and go back in on May 18th for a mid-cycle follicle check. Can't wait!!! I've determined that If my right ovary is the dominate one this month and we get to do the IUI for sure, it will be a day or so before our 9 year wedding Anniversary on the 24th and we'd be due right about Valentines Day 2013 *sigh*, one can dream. . . . .

I was sad to learn that Anna, the practice Medical Assistant had resigned. :( She was so funny, I'll miss her.  I was also sad when I stepped on that scale today. I admit that I have not been eating healthy, that I have not exercised in over two months and that I have put on weight and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. Uggggggg. Today was an eye opener :| I felt so crappy seeing how much I weighed. My Dr. never said anything about it, but I felt ashamed that I've lost my self control,lol. I know it is not a horrible number, but it is the most I have EVER weighed in my life. None of my cloths fit, i feel jiggly and totally foreign in my own body. *sigh* The last year of treatment, miscarriage, depression and overall Infertility has taken a toll on me. I wanted to cry. I still want to cry. I'm going to start making changes!! No more excuses. I weighed 153 today. *gulp* Last July right before I had surgery for the Endo I was working out and weighed 135. . .  Something has to be done. I need to stop cramming sweets down my throat. I need to get up off my tush and exercise, I always feel so much better when I do cardio...  Uggg. I hate feeling like this. I know I can change it, but dammit why does everything have to be so freaking hard?? *sigh* I just want cookies that don't go straight to my ass, is that too much to ask for, Hahahha. *sigh*

I'm trying to think positively about this cycle and I truly hope that we are blessed with a successful and lucky 3rd IUI :)  I'm so tired of riding this IF-Coaster. . . I'm ready for a new adventure.

I have also been thinking a lot about what happens if this doesn't work. I wonder if we shouldn't just take an extended break from treatments, continue to try on our own and save up for IVF??? We could take the break, I could get myself back to a happier weight and we could refocus where we need to go from here. Don't get me wrong - I hope with all my heart and soul that this IUI works, that it will stick and we will make it past 4 months so we can finally clean out that junk room and call it a nursery I want this to work more than I can explain to anyone. I just don't know how I'm going to feel if it doesn't work. How will it affect my emotions, my weight, my life and my happiness. I felt so happy and excited about IUI #2 in March... then I felt so shitty when it failed. It was hard to swallow and I felt like such a failure. I know I am not really a failure, but I still felt the sting of my bodies inability to do what I needed it to do.

On May 4th (Star Wars Day - May the Fourth be with You) there was a storm in our area, I was out on my front  patio videoing the weird looking sky and lighting, and to my surprise I found a beautiful rainbow right over my house. I'm hoping this was a sign Eeek!!! *wishing and hoping for my rainbow baby*

I'll keep you all updated and I hope everyone has a great week ♥


Vlog - IUI #3

 Photobucket

17 comments:

  1. Oh wouldn't it be awesome if this was your month. I so hope it's true! And I know EXACTLY how you feel about the weight. I'm right around the same weight as you and normally also 135-140. It sucks! I can't wait till this journey of IF is over so that we can get our lives back again... people say having a baby takes away your life, but I think it will finally give mine back.

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    1. Slynn, Thank you! I feel the same way about having a baby, like finally I will have somewhat of a life...the life I've always yearned for. I don't care if the baby is screaming all night long... I'll take that over this any day <3 Sending (((hugs))) to you, and hoping you are handling everything as best as you can.

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  2. 3rd time is the charm right? Good luck - keep your spirits up. My doctor has encouraged me to be a bit chubbier than normal... Eating fats is good for my egg quality she said. And that being a little too much on the thin side will impede pregnancy. So rock your big cookie butt girl! It's gonna get you a baby!

    I'm not too far behind you in terms of cycle start... I'm due for AF any day and my injections will likely move me closer to O time earlier than later. I'm IVF'ing this round though... Fingers crossed that this is the endo girls' month!

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  3. Hoping this is your time. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts.

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  4. The fact that you stopped and saw that rainbow, and thought of the possibilities your next IUI may bring is a good thing. All of this IF stuff really makes us all so introspective and reflective; and it's not fair that life can treat us so unfairly. I so get where you're coming from too, about how the disappointment of miscarriage and failure and depression can make you feel unmotivated about getting off your butt and doing some exercise (I just posted about this exact thing on my blog yesterday). Don't be too hard on yourself!

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  5. I've all but lost control of my weight in the past year. I'm still small, but not what I looked like 3 years ago. I'm terrified to wear a two-piece bathing suit now!

    Good Luck with this cycle, Crystal! We will all be cheering you on. =)

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  6. Best of luck with this cycle! I'll be following along :) Fingers crossed that this is the month for you!

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  7. I wish you lots and lots of luck this cycle! I'm glad its off to a great start with your baseline visit. Take care!

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  8. A break is great, makes you excited about coming back from it!! I pray that the rainbow was a sign!! Best of luck to you abnd all the baby dust I can throw at you!!!

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  9. Good luck with this cycle! It sounds like you've made the most of your break. I've been trying to cherish our "time off" as well. You're not alone in gaining weight either. I've recently started trying to eat better, but damn, it's hard to say no to yummy food (and beer)!

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  10. I hate when the hormones make us gain so much weight. Hopefully this will be the cycle to give you a happy BFP and eventual take home baby.

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  11. Fingers crossed for you! Good luck with this cycle. Those pictures are so pretty, makes me want to go down south!!

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  12. Thinking of you. Glad you enjoyed your break and it seems you have an overall healthy perspective in the family drama.

    Fingers crossed!

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  13. So nice to have you back, hope you get good news that your right ovary is in control and you can move forward soon!! Thinking of you!

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  14. Yay, so glad you're started with this cycle! Good luck! I totally understand needing a break from blogging--me, too!

    Try not to give yourself a hard time about the weight stuff. You have had SO much going on in the past few months.

    Thinking of you this cycle!

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  15. Praying so hard this cycle works and brings your your little miracle!

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