Well Happy Leap Day, or year... or whatever it is. <-- Ya, that's about all I got for that. 30 Rock had a really funny episode last week about Leap Year, so if you want funny - go watch 30 Rock :)
Today is 13DPO. 13DPO!!! I do not feel pregnant. *stupid natural cycle* lol
I've had a few tiny symptoms, but nothing to write home about, lol. I have a pregnancy test mocking me on my dressing table and If I had to put money down it would be on a BFN. So I now face the decision that every infertile goes through each month that passes by and she hasn't fallen pregnant.
Do I test and get the heartache over now or wait for AF to show and get lost in a few days of that dreaded "what if I am" ball of crazy emotions crap?!?
I hate that feeling with a passion, so I'll probably test tomorrow morning at 14DPO and put a quick end to this 2WW. I could fool myself and say there is a chance and yes, there is, but sometimes your body just tells ya what tha eff is up, and I'd be beyond shocked if I got a BFP tomorrow morning. I almost can't even believe how much of a freaking drag this 2WW was for me, and how much I let myself get caught up in the "what if" part. And not only that - it was a freaking "on our own cycle" *goood lord* we haven't gotten pregnant "on our own" in 7 years...
I don't know what made me think it would magically work this time around, lol.
Hope get's our heart hurt sometimes. *giggle*
I got emotional about this cycle, or rather I have felt that way over the last few days. I'm sure it is because my body knows I'm not pregnant, and even though I'm cool with that; since we are going to be all set for a good IUI this month, my heart and brain still know that my body failed me once again this month. I could not get pregnant on my own. Uggg. It is okay, and I'm okay. Reminders of what my body doesn't do right make me angry, but after my anger somewhat subsides I want to try even harder. I know I said I wasn't going to get my hopes up about this cycle, but I was wrong and I did, and it has been emotionally intense. I've kept it mostly contained, lol and haven't let the crazy spew out for others to see, but it has been difficult.
I'll be glad when AF comes so we can get started on this March IUI, Eeeek!!! I'm ready... so freaking ready for this. Bring it on!! It will also be my Birthday month. *sigh* I'm already excited. Hence the reason I sound so bitter about getting excited during the 2ww of this natural cycle. Argggg. Our minds really do take us to strange places on this "IF" journey.
Hope you're all doing well - xoxo