21 February, 2012

My very first ICWL!!

I just want to say Welcome to "The Redhead Files" and Thank you so much for stopping by!!

And also - Hello to all the ICLWer's! This is my first time participating in the ICWL fun! My blog name has nothing to do with "IF". I've had some people ask why?? It is because I started this blog long before I "came out" as in Infertile. Over that last few years my journey thorugh the land of "IF" has been a roller-coaster of emotions, so this blog has become my dumping grounds. Although I'm not excited about being infertile... I'm excited to be here and to be a part of the wonderful ALI community.

The Hubster and I have been TTC for the last 7 years. I suffered two early miscarriages and after the last one in 2004 we decided to go ahead and actually start trying. After the first 6 months I realized that something wasn't right since I hadn't gotten pregnant or even had a scare. We were still rather young so we did what everyone told us to do... Wait. It will happen when it happens, they said. Well we waited... and waited, and waited... and here we are *scratching our heads*. I had a bit of an emotional meltdown in 2010 and decided it was finally time to get serious and see someone. It was the greatest feeling in the world. Sobbing to my doctor and finally admitting that we had a problem lifted this giant weight off of my chest... I had not felt that good in years.

I did 4 rounds of Clomid which were all unsuccessful :| I then started seeing an RE who signed me up for our first IUI. I went in for my baseline ultrasound, and a large cyst was discovered on my left ovary so we were sidelined. I had surgery in July 2011 and they found Stage IV Endometriosis. Ugggg. We did our 1st IUI in September 2011 and I got pregnant!!! Sadly I miscarried at 10 weeks in November 2011. We were completely devastated. Just crushed beyond anything. We took the recommended 3 months off and were all set for an IUI this February, but not only has my cyst returned, my eggs were all on the left side (the crappy useless side), so we had to cancel the IUI for this month, huge bummer :|

My Doctor recommended that we just try on our own for February in hopes that we'll fertilize the one lone egg on the right, lol. So right now we're technically in our 2WW. If I get a BFN then March will be our new month for IUI!!


Thanks again for stopping by and I'm looking forward to getting to know some of you new bloggers!!!

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29 comments:

  1. Oh, how I remember those early years of trying and not knowing why it wasn't happening; trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I couldn't get pregnant. I was told so many times, "You're young! Quit worrying and enjoy the young, married years!" I spent so many days, weeks, months and years crying over periods and negative tests while everyone around was getting pregnant (or so it seemed). Being diagnosed with endometriosis was actually a relief. Finally, we had a known reason for having so much trouble! My RE was awesome and I will forever be grateful to him and his team. We started seeing him about 7 years into our journey after we failed to get pregnant, had a laparoscopy with a salpingo-oophorectomy (on the left side) at age 25, six months of Lupron, an HSG, etc.

    I often thought that there couldn't be a worse feeling in the world than struggling with infertility. That was until I lost Nathan at 16 weeks, 5 days gestation. There simply isn't a comparison though. Infertility and miscarriage are both are so incredibly painful and life changing, in their own ways. One comes with a renewed hope each month, while one is a permanent forever scar.

    I'm praying that this will be "the" month for you. Big hugs and lots of sticky dust coming your way!!

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    1. I can't even imagine the pain and heartache you not only went through, but are still going through. It makes me tear up thinking about it. I was completely devastated and became an emotional zombie for 2 months after my last one. I was not there in my head, I was lost, I was angry...it really hit me hard. I was not as far along as you - I just can't imagine that. You are a strong woman. I'm sure you may even say you are not, but you are!! Thank you for your comment and I really, really appreciate you sharing your story with me. :) I was lucky to find an awesome RE as well, that's how I got pregnant in September. We hope she can work her magic again. I will say a little prayer for Nathan today :) Our stories sound kind of similar and we share a first name, hehehe, neat - Cheers to a better tomorrow!

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  2. hi from ICLW!

    Darn you, cycts!! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Infertility....well, it sucks. Best of luck to you this month!!

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    1. Yes Ma'am... Infertility totally sucks :| Although I have to say I've met some really amazing woman through this journey and that I don't regret :) Thank you for the sweet comment!

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  3. Thank you for your comment. I actually went back and read your blog post post-misscarrage last November, because that's where I am now. I love seeing how my current miserable feelings are normal haha. You have a similar story, good u/s, slow HB ( mine was 86 and 70 when I went), and then no HB. I was heartbroken and crying in the ultrasound room when they told me my 8wk old baby measured 6wk and had a heartbeat of 86, and what that really meant. And then cried the whole way home too. I also remember it being a cloudy day with no sun.

    From the ICLW

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    1. Awe. Thanks... There are days when I still cry, feel angry and sad. Our stories are very similar :) I'm so sorry for what you went through. I know how painful it must still be for you, as it is for me at times. We just have to pick our selves up and keep trucking along, even when if feels completely pointless. Because in the end every bit of crap we go through will hopefully be worth it. Thinking of you!!! So glad we found each others blogs :)

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  4. Just stopping by from ICLW (#34). Wow, your journey to where you are now seems quite long. I hope that you get to get off this crazy train soon.

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    1. It has been long!! I'm now 29 and he's 31 and we didn't start seeing a Doc until 2010. The wait in between our miscarriage in 2004 to 2010 when we started seeing a Dr was torturous for me on the inside, I was so depressed... We wanted to wait till we thought we were ready, or at least we waited until I could not stand it any longer. I just knew that when we finally did seek help it wasn't going to be simple when it came to money or emotions, so we put it all off as long as my emotional sanity allowed. I'm definitely ready to get off this train.

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  5. What is ICLW?

    Good luck for your February cycle!!

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    1. ICLW = International Comment Leaving Week. Check out Stirrup Queen's post about it, it explains it all better than I could.
      http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2012/01/icomleavwe-february-2012/

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  6. Congrats on finding ICLW! It's a great experience (although I'm taking a break this month). Fingers crossed for this 2WW!

    I too had surgery to remove some endo stuff. Thankfully most of it stayed away, but a cyst did grow back. Mine never did get bad enough to stop a cycle, but it was close a couple of times. Good luck and I hope it won't interfere any more in the future.

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    1. Thank you!! Cysts are such pains, lol. I'm sorry you've had to deal with Endo, Thanks for commenting even though your taking the month off :)

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  7. Finally getting help really does make a huge difference. And even as the failures have added up, I'm still filled with hope everytime we try something new. It looks like you've had a long, rough road. Good luck with what lies ahead. I truly hope and pray that things get better.

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    1. Thank you so much Kat :) And you are right... failures do add up and I too still have hope each time we try, lol. One day it will be our turn!!

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  8. Stopping by from ICLW. Good luck with this cycle. Wouldn't it be great if this were the one! You have have been on this journey for a long time, and I am sure you are more than ready!

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    1. Thank you for your sweet comment and Thanks for stopping by!! Good luck on your journey :)

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  9. Hi! Nice to "meet" you. Getting help is so great, hey? We are somewhat similar in that we didn't truly pursue real help until last year (after TTC on our own for 4 years). Hoping for the best this month!

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    1. Whew...Good luck to you!! It really felt like a ton of bricks was lifted of my chest at that first appointment. Somehow if feels as if I've slowly placed them back one by one over the last two years. Do you have a blog?? Send me your link I couldn't find it, I would like to see how things go for you :)

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  10. Hi! I hope your good ovary cooperates with you. Isn't it annoying to have two when one isn't doing anything except slowing you down?

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    1. lol :) Me Too!! Thanks for stopping by!

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    1. Thank you Lavonne :) Good luck to you too!!

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  12. Glad you are doing ICLW. It is a great thing!

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  13. I am new to the whole blogging thing and I so appreciate any and all new bloggers! I think the hardest part is admitting that it might not happen for you the way it does for everyone else. It is amazing to me how many of "us" there are out there. I look forward to following you and sharing in these crazy/sad/messy experiences we call life! I also want to check out ICLW, never heard of it!

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    1. You should try ICLW for March!! It is a great way to meet other people going through the same thing, plus ICLW is a great support system. Hope to see you on there in March... now I'm off to find your blog :)

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  14. Hi. It's my first ICLW too. I'm sorry your IUI was cancelled this month. Hopefully you get some better news soon!

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    1. That's okay! Thank you for your sweet comment - I'm super excited about our IUI for March... I've got a good feeling :)

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  15. It's nice to meet a fellow redhead on this journey!

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    1. Well hello to another Redhead :) Thanks for stopping by my blog!!

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