28 December, 2011

Made it through in one piece!

The Holiday's are almost over and I seriously couldn't be more happy!

I managed to make it through Christmas in one piece :) There were a few moments when sadness sneaked up on me, but I didn't let it hang out for too long! I spent the time staying busy cleaning, baking, hanging out with my Pnut, and hosting a Christmas party for our Friends... I'm glad it's all coming to an end :)

The most difficult thing was probably getting a text from my friend Linda, telling me she's having a girl. Linda and I got pregnant at the same time in September. This will be her third, and she's a week ahead of where I would have been right now. . . That part makes me sad, I can't go see her either... it's just too hard for me to go around her right now. I know she understands, but it still makes me feel like a big baby. Errr. By now we would have been able to find out the sex. *sigh* Would it have been a little boy, a sweet faced girl??? We'll never know. My heart still hurts for the loss of our Little Bean. . . I catch myself daydreaming about what would have been, what it would have felt like to have a tiny human inside of me, what it would have been like to see that baby's face for the first time, to gaze upon its face and cry tears of pure joy... Ugggg. Rest in Peace little Bean - you will never leave my heart!

I must admit I've felt less angry... I have been secretly obsessing and fantasizing about February!! I'm excited to do another IUI... Ahhh it's driving my brain crazy waiting. I would do it right this very instant if I could, but time will hopefully give us the best chances of a successful conception.

We leave for Vegas in in about 2 1/2 weeks! Eeeeek!


  1. Ugh. This journey is so tough. I can imagine the pain you felt when you found out your friend was having a girl. Hugs. Have fun in Vegas!

  2. It is very difficult... I've been reading your blog and the one you posted the other day about grieving for something you didn't have. Well, It brought me to tears. . .I have felt that so many times, I'm sorry your heart was broken. Each month our heart breaks, but when you put so much work into one month it's crushing when it doesn't work. . . I'm just sorry you had to feel that. Happy New Year to you and your DH :)


Leave some Luv