I find myself quite amazed at how quickly the human heart begins to mend its self.
I'm beginning to feel more, and more like myself again. I will forever, and always be changed by the experience of losing a baby, but miraculously I'm still Me, and that makes me smile each day ♥
Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since we learned our little Bean's heart stopped beating, and Wednesday marks 3 weeks since I had the miscarriage :| Tomorrow, I would have been 13 weeks - those are always going to be my hard days. It feels like the pregnancy was just some oddly distorted dream that I was forced to suffer through. I cried for 2 weeks straight, everyday - no lie. Today I am smiling and tear free! I have cried only a few short tears here and there. . . so - Go Me!!! I guess you could say that last week was it for me. . . I finally had to force myself to get up, out, and be active <--Easier said than done, that's for sure.
I woke up on Monday with tears still in my eyes, I felt angry at myself for still wallowing in my own self pity. I wanted to be happy no matter the cost. I dug out my yoga pants, running shoes, charged up the Itouch, and headed out the door to the rec center only to find out they were not open until 4pm that day...Errr. I felt slightly defeated, since It was a feat to just make it out of the house. So, I went back home and decided to walk laps around my neighborhood. It was a success!! I grabbed a hoodie and was on my way. The wind was blowing in my hair, the fresh air was amazing, the sun and cloudy sky played peek-a-boo and painted a very lovely backdrop for my walk! I felt like I was one with myself. . . I have not felt that in a while.
I worked Thanksgiving morning and was off work a little after 3pm. I rushed over to my Grandma's house, then met Josh at his parents house at 5pm; Mama was in town, and cooked a lovely dinner for everyone! I did not cry at all on Thanksgiving Day :) I felt strong!! Being around family was much easier this go around. We said the blessing before eating, and Bart said something about missing those that were no longer with us, no matter if their heart beat for 93 years or just a few weeks. *sigh* it was very sweet of him to acknowledge our little Bean. I've learned that everyone handles this kind thing differently - I appreciated his kind words<3
I finally painted the front living room! It's an awesome Turquoise color! I only painted 1 wall, a few pieces of random furniture, and the front Door! Ohh and also all of my frames for that room. I'd actually been thinking about doing it for a while, but then I got pregnant that put a hold on a few "house" things. I've now decided that I want to get all the house painting done by March. That's hopefully around the time we'll get to do our 2nd IUI, so I want the house done! I'm thankful for the time, because I do our bedroom, laundry room and finally paint ALL the baseboards. I will post a better picture of the living room when it's completely done! I have to say, it's going to look pretty neat! I was a little inspired by the website Pinterest :) It is really good for me to have these house projects right now, because it will make the next few months go by fast :) Heck Thanksgiving's over, Christmas is right around the corner. . . Then it's a Happy New Year, one that I'm looking forward to. To be quite honest 2011 - Sucked Ass!!