13 September, 2011

Sometimes you need to scrub the floor together...

First things first - I got my LH surge today, it was a fabulously dark pink line, and a little earlier than expected! It was dark almost immediately, which made me all giddy inside *giggle*. Soooo, we are scheduled for the IUI *Turkey Basting Method* at 10am Tuesday morning. Josh has to be at the ART (Assisted Reproduction Technology) office at 8:45 to give his "swim-team" sample. I am so hopeful, and nervous all at the same time that it makes me tear up when I think about it! ♥ Most of all I feel good and ready to accept whatever way this turns out!

I stopped at Hobby Lobby today and bought wooden letter's, and paint to make something crafty for my kitchen! The pictures show's the letters on my floor,because I have not had a chance to hang them yet. If felt refreshing to be crafty :)

Now onto the last few days... In a quick summary (since I need to get to sleep soon), Josh and I had our first real infertility argument/fight/silent treatment- whatever you want to call it. It was much needed, but not fun in any way shape, or form. Let's just say that sensitivity has been at all time highs for the both of us over the last few weeks. It has obviously been more intense the last few days, lol. I had no idea this infertility stuff would affect him as much as it has. He would probably disagree about that sentence, and then again he could be right, lol. It could just be all me, but I don't think that's the case. He thinks I'm the source of all the sensitivity, hahaha. I'm probably the larger emitter of emotional instability currently, but he's riding this wave too. lol Needless to say... some things were said, feelings were hurt and disregarded on both sides, something along the lines of "You only want me for my sperm" was said; which was the wrong thing to say to a woman who's been riding a hormonal wave of craziness for the past two weeks. Ugh... I had to work that day too, I hate those kind of days. I cried all morning and then he came home with Halloween costumes for the dogs, I couldn't be mad anymore, but yet I was I was in a mood that was quite unbreakable, Oh-booooy... once again, poor Josh - And bless his soul for putting up with me. I sent him an email from work, basically freaking out about what he said, saying we shouldn't do the IUI if he felt that way I was the true meaning of a "mess" hahaha. He's right, I am crazy.

The awkward emotional tension lasted through the night and into this morning... Then I peed on my stick, got the line I've been waiting for, called the fertility office and felt my adrenalin start to move again. I went into the laundry room, grabbed a broom and started sweeping up the dog area and reorganizing. I needed to do something to keep my mind of shit. I swept, and quietly cried tears of happiness as I dreamed of this thing actually working. I'n the middle of my tear-filled fantasizing he popped his head around the corner and offered to clean the grout, I was suddenly smitten and all softhearted. He was my Pnut again, and sweet and not afraid of his crazy wife, even that made me cry. I offered to be of assistance, then we were both on the floor scrubbing on our hands and knees. We scrubbed away the anger from the days before, laughed and began to feel the intense wave of emotion subsiding ever so much. If felt great, I felt like I could breath, like we could breath together once again, and that we knew where we were in the whole scheme of things. We both needed today... exactly the way it was ♥

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