17 September, 2011

IUI & The 2ww *tapping fingers*

Soooo, Josh and I got the IUI done on Tuesday morning September 13th (Sarah's birthday) !! It was an emotional morning to say the least... even though we scrubbed the floor the day before, we were each still feeling a little tense and on edge that morning. So it was another tear filled morning of stressed emotions, hurt feelings, and overemotional-whackness, haha. I'm laughing because while we waited for his "ammunition" to be washed and counted, we sat in the waiting room of the ART's office quietly bickered back and forth. The lady behind the window closed the glass when I turned in the paperwork, I think she knew we needed a few minutes of alone time by the look on my face. It didn't even phase her, I'm sure she's seen this time and time again. Tears are streaming down my face, my nose was stopping up, and all I could think was "Good lord, I don't want them to see me like this, what if they think we can't handle this". Lucky for us no one else was in the waiting room, and by the time we were handed the "ammunition", and walked down the hall to the fertility office, I began to cease crying all together, I needed to suck it up and stop being a sap because, this was not the way I wanted to remember *The day we may or may not have gotten knocked up* - I guess either way I'll remember it. Ughhh. I hate feeling out of control, when my only response to everything is crying - I curse you Letrozole, I need you, but you are evil, very evil... hummphhh :/

Once we were in the Fertility office I started feeling better, more excited, I guess you could say. I wanted to be happy, I hated that my body was at the peak of this emotional roller-coaster, and all I could feel was craziness. Jenica was not there, which normally I would have been sad about, but since my face was all red and puffy from crying; I decided it was a good thing she wasn't there that day. Coral immediately said, "are you okay" when she saw me, I laughed, said it was a bit of an emotional morning, but that I was okay, and we were okay, just ready to get going. She's so sweet... I guess we're probably not the only "emotional" couple they've seen. I mean it is a fertility office ,and we are being pumped with drugs that cause us imbalances. Hahaha, we have nothing to worry about! (That's what I tell myself to feel better, lol) Josh and I got situated in the little room that I always seem to be in. I had to drop my drawers, and wait on the table with a little paper sheet tucked all around me, those things are never big enough. Josh just kind of sat there watching my every move, very quite, and intermittently starring at the floor. I wondered what was going through his head as he watched me tuck my panties under my neatly folded jeans, only to shove all of that under my purse, pull out a magical pair of socks, and slap them puppies on my feet faster than you could blink - My feet get really cold in those stirrups, plus my toes were looking a little rough, so it's best to just bring socks. If he understood the way's of the woman, he would have saw me as a pro that day :) Dr. Laura came in and asked if everything was okay, she knew I had been upset by my puffy face. This time Josh and I both laughed, I could feel the tension leaving our bodies, I said it sucks that I can never hide if I've been crying because, my face, and eyes stay red for at least a good 30 minutes after being tearful. We talked about my symptoms from the Letrozole, the hot-flashes, headaches and emotional craziness - She said the meds were probably working really well, since I was "feeling" so much, which made me happy... and made all of us laugh. Dr. Laura is great, she understand the emotions that we feel and she makes Josh feel just as important! In this situation men are greatly affected too, it's hard knowing how to comfort that and recognize it.

The IUI process didn't take long at all; basically it was like a long and really intense pap-smear, lot's of pressure, but completely painless. She got the ammunition/swim team ready, then asked Josh if he wanted to do the injection part! His eye's got really bright, and he said "Do I get to look", with much excitement in his voice, I felt slightly like an lab animal, lol. At the same time I was truly happy inside that he didn't hesitate to do it *sigh* - That's my Pnut! He had 2 Hands in it that day (inside joke, hehe) I stayed there on the table for a bit, then we were free to go. And...Baam!!! - Just like that we may have made a baby. *giggle* Wow... I would seriously piss myself if this works and I'm not joking... I've got a weak bladder from the Endo, hahaha.

When we left the clinic there was a certain relief that overcame both of us, it was so peaceful compared to what were feeling in the days leading up to this. The hard part was over. He could breath, and finally go home to take that nap he wanted so badly, and I could stop obsessing over whether or not I timed the LH surge right. IUI's are all about timing. Once we got home I had to do something to keep my mind from thinking too much about it. That is soo stressful and I hate obsessing. I finished painting a tree in the bathroom that I've been working on for, ohhhhh.. a few months now. Well, actually I painted the trunk part and stopped, it looked pretty ridiculous without branches. I was feeling very motivated after the IUI!! I did the tree, and also put up my painted letters in the kitchen that I'd painted the day before. It felt really nice to be crafty and to actually finish a project I had started.

I'm currently at 5-DPI (5 Days Past Insemination)!! I have to go back into the office on Tuesday to get a progesterone test to make sure I ovulated. I'm pretty certain that I did... The two week mark, is the Tuesday after that, which is also Josh's Birthday. Hehehe. It makes me giggle. I've had a few "phantom" symptoms that could point to pregnancy, but in all honesty it's waaaay to early to tell. Plus my body and mind is in-tune to any slight change, so I'm noticing everything. The one symptom I'm having, but I don't always get, is the "sore nipples", I got this with my very first round of Clomid, but never had it on the other 3 rounds. I also took my vitamins this morning and they made me feel sick for about 5 minutes. I was getting ready for work when my stomach started to feel sick, and I felt like I could taste the vitamins... but then it was gone. I've been taking these vitamins for a year now and they've never made me feel that way. Ayi yi-yi - So you see, I could totally freak out on these feelings, but I can't... until I take a HPT and get a positive line, I'm not going to allow myself to obsess over every little feeling I get. It's not healthy for me because, then my body will start producing all types of symptoms just to mess with me, that is theeee worst. I've been there, done that, felt that, and don't plan to wade in that deep just yet :)

This evening we had our first rain in months, *sigh* - It has been so long in fact, that I don't even remember the last time it rained. It was a downpour, gloriously gloomy downpour, and I loved it. When I got home from work, Josh said that Teddy also looooved the rain, that it took 2 towels to dry him off :) Teddy is fitting in nicely with our little family, and starting to look like a healthy dog once again! We are so glad he found us ♥ Tomorrow night I'm going out to Celebrate my very good friend Sarah's Birthday!! We've celebrated every Birthday together since 21.. We are only 6 months apart in age and she's the older one, lol. I can't wait to go out, and be a Designated Driver!! It's so strange going out and not having a drink. I'm totally cool with it, but it's still odd sometimes, *giggle* I feel really good about this month!

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