28 September, 2011

Beta - No, not the fish.

"It's Fucking Positive" <---- Yesss, I know it's such bad language, but those were my exact words, and I feel that when you've waited as long as I have for this, you deserve to drop a few F-Bombs here and there. lol I'm Pregnant!! It's crazy and still feels unreal... *****If you read this blog, and/or are on my Facebook, please do not make any comments on my page or wall - It's means a lot*****

Some may ask why I'm blogging so early about this and the truth is... I choose to share here, because I honestly only have a few followers, I like to blog in real time (when things actually happen), just in-case things don't go smoothly, I still capture the realness of my life in blog-form. Plus, I can't not blog about this... my life is being written right now, and that is the beauty of my blog - It is real, honest, and a little raw sometimes! Since I do have people that have been reading, and following, I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. I truly appreciate everyone's support through this journey! We've told our closest family, and a few close friends. (If you have not been told verbally and see it here I'm sorry- please don't take offense) It's hard trying to keep this a secret since everyone has been following along in our journey, and everyone pretty much knows when I start these days, lol! We are so happy and so freaking excited ♥

:How it went down:

I pulled up my big girl panties, and peed on the stick yesterday (27th & The Hub's Birthday) morning. I woke up at about 7:15 in the morning, got up to go pee, Josh was stumbling into the bathroom as I was stumbling out. He looked at my hand, and said "What's that"? I mumbled half asleep "The stupid pregnancy test, I'm going to set it on the dresser and wait" So there I am, sitting on our hotel room's chaise lounge, sitting as far away from the test as possible, thinking the worst lol. Josh is on the "John", I try to wait, but get so anxious that I can't wait any longer! I walk up to the dresser like I'm ready to fight it, I look down, see two lines, my mouth drops, my heart may have even skipped a beat - I am in complete shock, I feel elated, and nervous. Finally after 6 years we see a faint line, where I've for so long seen absolutely nothing. I starred at the test, put it up to the lamp to make sure I wasn't just seeing it in my head... I opened the bathroom door, shove my arm in with the test in hand, and scream "It's fucking positive" I can see Josh in the mirror, he looks confused... Then he laughed, and repeated my words to his self "it's fucking positive", he looked about as shocked, and surprised as I did. After barging in on him I went back to the chaise lounge, only this time I had the test right in front of me on the table... I just sat there and cried the happiest tears I have ever cried. When he came out of the bathroom, he looked at it more then gave me a huge hug :)

We are still in shock; a happy shock in all, but now we've moved on from the excited shock to the nervous two week wait that now begins. In about two weeks maybe a few days sooner, I'll go in for a sonogram to check and see if we can see the sac in the uterus, and make sure it's not in a tube or elsewhere :/ That would be devastating. I'm considered a very high risk for an ectopic pregnancy, so right now I don't think we'll be able to fully breath until we can see where it is... This morning I went in to the Fertility office at 9am, to get my first Beta/HCG test. It was great because Coral just got new pregnancy tests in, and offered to let me be a guinea pig and test them out for free, hehehe. All three, two urinary, and 1 blood test, came out positive!!! On Friday morning I'll go back into the office, and have the test (Beta/HCG) done again (48 hours later). They want to make sure the number doubles from today. Eeeek! I still can't believe I'm even typing this... I feel like an "impostor", hehe. The second test will let them know that it's progressing the right way, that cells are dividing, and it will also kind of helps us determine if it's in the right location...if the number doesn't change. I'm so happy, and so darn nervous that I could once again, throw up, hahaha.

Jenica just called --- Eeeeek!!! My BETA is 123... I asked if that was good, she said "That's fantastic" *sigh* My heart, and brain are on cloud nine - ♥


  1. God hears all prayers...

    I know I am not your best friend, your mother or your sister. I understand we havent always been close, or really ever been close. Almost if were soul friends of some sort peeking in eachothers lives from a far dark corner and then when you think no one is listening you get that email saying you have a comment on your blog.. So many times have I heard words of encouragment from you when I didnt think anyone was eeven hearing me as if I was whispering just so I could maybe get my alter ego to hear myself.. & when no one gets what I am saying right now I know you will but... as I was saying... From no one close to you but... from a Mother... to a Mother. My cup runith over for the both of you...

    I know it will be a long scary road ahead of you two and I hate to say it never ends but it will loosen up its grip once you hear that first cry but after that your heart begins to walk outside of your body and you will never know such a loved or so terrified in your life... But. It is what makes this life go round. I have 3.... with out them I am nothing.

    Prayers are not stopping from this end. They will keep on going, and tell Joshua I am so happy for him as well... Crystal from me to you.. sigh... Congrats.


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