28 August, 2011

To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

Hahahha!! I'm totally laughing at my post title...

Well I'm on cycle day 32 and AF, has yet to show her face. Hummm... I have been feeling a bit crampy off and on for the last week and a half. I bought a two pack of pg-tests and peed on one the other morning, it didn't even phase me when I got the BFN and then I peed on the last one this morning and of course it was a BFN. Nada, zilch, squat... nothing. I even went back and dug through the wastebasket to look at the test again... thinking a magical line would just somehow appear as I was feeling low while getting ready for work. It never showed up *beeeep*, oh-well guess we won't be having that May baby after all :/ I didn't feel as defeated as I normally do, maybe it's because we're getting ready for the IUI soon. At least if AF would ever show up, ugh! It's always when you're really waiting for it, that it chooses to screw with you and make you wait. Ahhhhhh

I met up with a dear friend on my day off
and we ventured out into the heat to feed the ducks! It was tons of fun and even though we were out in the heat of the day the ducks were quite pleased to see us. We stopped by to feed store and picked up some hen-scratch, wheat and oats... they wen't nuts over that stuff, much better than bread. We went to a small pond area and found a few, then traveled down to Bear creek and found a bunch!! All different kinds and they too, were excited and stayed with us until we left, and let me tell you, they managed to get every last grain that was on the ground, hehe.

The last few weeks have been pretty good and actually much better than the last few months. Fall is slowly approaching and I'm starting to feel an internal relief that soon we won't be baking in 100+ degree weather. I'm ready for storms and rain and leaves and colors of the fall *sigh* - I can't wait. We had some really awesome clouds the other day, so I snapped a few pics on my way home. I was in love and mesmerized by the beauty and how the sun rays were peaking out from the bit puffy clouds...so pretty. I finally got back to a normal sleeping schedule after covering the night audit shift for one of my employees. It was not too bad, but trying to get back on a schedule was a bitch to say the least. I barley got to see the hubb's and it was during (O-Time) so I was a bit stressed on trying to make good timing, because I def ovulated :) Trying on our own this month has brought back the excitement of this whole experience and has reminded me of why we started all this in the first place. The last several months of not TTC has been slow, long and boring - bleh...lol. You tend to get lost, kind of defeated and somewhat forgetful when you're not actively trying for something. I'd lost most of my excitement and tried not to think much about it, but now that the IUI is right around the corner; I'm once again super excited to get this show on the road. My fingers are crossed and hoping that we don't run into any more unexpected issues *fingers crossed*.

I finally painted my kitchen!!! It's super cute, my pictures don't really do it justice since it's from an itouch, but it's fabulous and every time I walk in, I get a little grin on my face knowing I did it all myself. I painted an accent wall in Tree-house Green and the remaining walls in Sunset Yellow. I. Love. It. The house is really starting to have it's own character! I've spent the last few days rearranging the front living room and I'm trying to decide what colors to paint in there. I want something bright, but I'm just not sure yet.

I learned how to make a sock-bun - Thanks to Mary (a bloggy friend). She sent me an awesome how-to video, it took just a few tries and I had it down. It has been sooo freaking hot that leaving my hair down is just not an option, plus it's just stupid and crazy. Being outside for 5 minutes makes me sweat and then my hair is a mess :/ So a bun is the best option for this Texas Summer heat wave that's still kicking our asses. I really wish we could have gotten some rain from Hurricane Irene... but she hit up the east coast, so we won't be seeing any of that rain, at least not until next weekend *yay*. I looked at the forecast and saw that we had a small chance for Labor Day weekend and I almost peed myself, hahaha. And how sad that I'm super excited for it to get cooler, as in around 99 instead of 107, ugh! Any-who, the sock-bun is elegant and so it's perfect for work. Josh told me I looked like a Russian hahaha.

I hope everyone has a great week!!

Teddy -The stray that became ours :)

So first of all let me say... When we got our sweet Daisy a few years back (our second dog) Josh said no more. Then last year Mr. Scruffy came along and we just could not resist, again... Josh said no more. Well now we have added another dog to our little Bernard Family. This one has a sweet story and there will be NO MORE additions after this, unless it's a sweet Bernard Baby (hehehe). 4 Dogs, a loud-mouthed cat and a fish... is plenty.

One morning last week Josh told me that there was a stray dog hanging out behind the house and that it had been back there for a few days.(keep in mind it's been over 100 all week) We live on a creek so there is a bunch of trees behind us and no houses, I know... it's great! I said to Josh "Maybe we should give it some food" to which he replies "I already did and water" I was kind of shocked, but then again he does have a soft spot for dogs. I went outside with Josh to see Teddy and give him more food, he was so skinny and emaciated that my heart instantly sank. As we walked up to the fence he started wagging his tail, scrunching up his nose and showing us his teeth; not in a scary way, but in a way that seemed as though he was very happy to have food, water and human contact. Each morning Josh would get up and take him food and water, then one day Jen came over so we took her outside to see him. We were outside petting him over the fence for a good 10 min and then we went back inside the house, not even 10 minutes later I looked outside and he was sitting on out back porch. I yelled at Josh to come see, and he immediately looked at me and said "Did you put him back there"? I laughed and said "Absolutely not". We went out to greet him and he was so excited, we found the hole later that evening and Josh covered it. Since he decided to dig his way into our backyard and he's done well with the other dogs, we've decided to keep him :) I need to take him to a vet soon to get him shots and make sure he doesn't have heart worms or anything... But he's definitely apart of our family now and I'm excited to have him with us. Every morning when I wake up I head outside to check on him and each time I am greeted with his silly smile and wagging tail... We've brought him in the house a few times and showed him how to use the dog door, but he has yet to come in on his own. We think whom ever had him really didn't take very good care of him and possibly never allowed him to go inside, poor guy - He's a bit of a scardy-cat lol It's also our first medium sized dog... we've been a hybrid chihuahua family for a while now

Welcome to the Family, Teddy!!


14 August, 2011

Houston: We have Ovulation!!

Well, we had 40 days of 100+ temperatures and didn't break the 42 day record that was made in 1980. Bummer. lol I know what your thinking! Why would I want this heat to continue?!? Well, since we did get to 40 days I was kinda hoping we'd make it to 43 days so that we could always think back and go "Remember in 2011, when we were living in hell" hahaha. But noooo, we had to break it for a day and now we're right back where we started, Ugh. I'm sure I've said this many times already...but I'm sooo over this summer it's not even laughable *serious face*

We did get a bit of rain on Saturday *ahhhh* and it stayed cloudy most of the day, which was quite refreshing. Friday as I was leaving the house to head over to a friends and when I walked outside and the sky was full of dark, fast moving and ominous looking clouds! I was mesmerized and pinning for the fall weather to blow in sooner rather than later hehe. I was almost stopped dead in my tracks. All summer we've had clear blue sky's with little escape from the sun... So walking out to a sky painted in hues of dark blues and grays was the highlight of my day! I stood outside taking many photo's hoping and crossing my fingers it would rain, but to no avail, it waited till Saturday and then got really, really muggy. It's now Sunday-Funday and well.. it's hotter than a mo-fo out there. Even though it was only one day of cloudiness, I am thoroughly excited for fall come back around. Our cloudy day was a sweet preview and a big tease all a the same time :)

On a fertility note - We are trying on our own this month, the old-fashioned way lol. I was kind of worried that with being on Birth Control for the last several months, that my cycle may take a bit longer to get back to normal. Much to my surprise it's been pretty normal! I definitely ovulated or am about to ovulate; well according to my ovulation strips I am or have :) Let's hope I ovulated from the right side and not the left since it's so crapified <---- Yes I know, that is totally a made up word :/ It has officially been a month since my Lap surgery and overall I feel great! I am disappointed to say I feel that the cyst from my left ovary is already starting to grow back *sad face*. Over this month I've had some menstrual & back aches that I really never had in the past or at least not recently. I'm sure it's just the healing process, but sometimes when I sit down I can feel pressure which makes me sit down slowly, and when the hub's and I get frisky, I can feel that side is very tender again. Errrr. It's not nearly as bad as it was, but I just hope that it doesn't grow back too fast. Our window of opportunity is small eeeek!

I'm starting to feel a little more excited each day, I was super excited when I got the dark pink line indicating that ovulation was fast approaching :) Funny I should say that because yesterday Josh said something along the lines of "when we have a son, we're going to name him" and then I said... in the calmest and most un-sarcastic voice..."We're probably never going to have kids babe". He looked up at me with a bit of surprise/shock in his eyes and voice then proceeded to tell me that if I think negativity like that, then our results will be just as negative. I wasn't in a bad mood or feeling depressed, I was just very neutral about it and didn't want to sound like I was getting my hopes up for anything. I have been feeling that a lot lately... thinking that this is all just a waste of time, but I'm finding it easier to deal with the "if" we never have children aspect of things, which is why I think it was so easy for me to say that. When he told me not to be negative, He actually said it in a more charismatic way, and it took me by surprise a little bit. It felt so good, watching his reaction because it was not the reaction on a man being forced to procreate, it was the reaction of a man who want's to build a family in what ever way we can. I told him that I wasn't trying to sound negative but that I was preparing my mind for the worst. His unpredictable reaction let me know that he want's this too, and doesn't want me to feel like it's impossible. It was a refreshing feeling that I got from him... I think I really needed that! I guess even though he doesn't talk about the issue as much as I do, it is still inside of him and just as raw for him as it is for me. Together we push forward :)

Wish us luck on our 2WW!! For those who don't know the "2WW" translates into our "Two week wait" the time from ovulation to the dreaded BFN or the shocking BFP!! My fingers, toes and anythings else that can be crossed, are crossed.

Have a Great week!!


09 August, 2011

02 August, 2011

You have an Angry Fallopian tube...

Goodness me...It was 11o degrees outside today!

We are being baked alive each and every day :/ The grass in my yard died weeks ago and crunches under my feet, my plants are hanging on by a thread and today we hit 32 consecutive days of 100+ temperatures. It's freaking hot everywhere!! Almost all of the United States is being tortured by a tremendous heat wave. Uggggg.

July is officially over, August is here and we are a tiny bit closer to fall weather. I've already noticed the day's are starting to darken sooner. July was busy, hot and very long. I had surgery on the 13th and I finally had my post-op follow up appointment last week. It was informative to say the least. I learned that my Endometriosis is severe... meaning Stage 4. She sent off tissues samples and it all came back as Endometriosis. My ovarian cancer test was negative - *Thank the Gods*. As Dr. Laura went over the Lap pictures she pointed out what I thought was part of the cyst but in fact it was my fallopian tube all curled up and extremely swollen, she said it was an *Angry* fallopian tube :/ It may seem silly but that's what I like about her so much. Even thought my tube is a piece of crap that should be ripped out, she expressed it in a humorous way that made me smile... it sucks to get bad news but it's always easier with someone who understands human emotions. She doesn't over do it but she really get's the point across gently.

I asked her if an egg could get through the tube and she said - "The left tube is open, however... since it's curled up and swollen, you have a very high chance of having and ectopic pregnancy on that side". Dr. Laura also said "With that being said you may want to discuss this information with your family and make sure that you are prepared to deal with something like that".

Example - If we do the IUI, and each of my ovaries releases and egg, one gets fertilized and makes to to my uterus, the other gets fertilized and gets stuck in my tube, I then have a very high chance to lose it all, because I'd have to have surgery to remove the ectopic, which could damage the growing egg/fetus that makes it to the right spot. We just have to be prepared for anything to happen.

For the most part I felt good about the appointment, although deep inside I felt that she was slightly hinting at IVF or maybe I was just feeling low and pessimistic and felt that because I subconsciously was feeling like that was our only option. She said that there was no reason to go straight there. Dr. Laura feels that we do have a good chance with IUI considering they did just go in and clean up badly diseased areas. My fingers are crossed that I produce good eggs :)

Even thought I felt good about the appointment overall I was really angry and pissed off when I left the office that day. I knew it was bad, but I honestly didn't think it would be stage 4. I felt hopeless, sad, angry, pissed, like I needed to drowned my sorrows in a bottle of Goose and defeated. I needed to sleep on it, let those words "Stage 4 Endometrisos" really sink in. I now realize just serious my painful periods are, I'm angry that they are not "regular" periods, like so many frustrated women are told while waiting to be diagnosed with this disease. It is labeled as and Immune disorder. My obsesive research has reached new highs hahaha. I have been digging deep and finding many interesting things about Endo and it makes me feel like in some small way I'm taking control.

Dr. Laura said we could try a few IUI with Letrozole, Clomid messed with my vision too much. If I don't produce enough eggs we can move to IUI with Injectables, which would make me produce more eggs than the Letrozole and if that doesn't work we would need to move to IVF. I've always told myself that I didn't want to go the route of IVF. It's so emotional, horrid side affects, extremely expensive and I just don't know if I'm willing to put myself and Pnut through all that. I asked Dr. Laura what an average estimate would be and she said about 12,000. at least. I felt my heart sink a little. So for right now I think we'll probably try up to 3 cycles and go back to trying on our own.

I've been doing tons of research on diets for Endometriosis and found some positive info... It's intense though. I mean Seriously... no red meat, no dairy, no gluten. I'm willing to do it but I'm so overwhelmed by all the info that I really have no idea where to start. I would love to do things in a natural way if it will help. If a million dollars lands in my lap I might think about IVF but for now I believe 3 cycles of IUI will be a good shot!

We are set to do our first IUI in September :) I stopped taking birth-control the day I had my follow up, it was my last pill, perfect timing! Dr. Laura said that we'll wait and let me have a normal period and start the IUI process at the beginning of my next cycle. We got the go-ahead to resume sex!!! Hahaha Pnut was very happy to hear that :) And...even thought we are not doing the IUI this month, we are still going to try it the good old fashioned way! I'm starting to get excited about the IUI, it's been a long wait and I pray that this is our miracle..please, please, please with sugar on top, let this be our year.

In anticipation of possibly doing the IUI this month I went ahead and bought my monthly supply of Ovulation strips, I'm going to to use them this month to time with our good Ole'fashioned baby-making methods. I find it slightly funny because last year when we started our first month of Clomid it was in September. A whole year will have passed dealing with all this infertility junk, I mean yes, we spent over 5 years of trying before seeing an RE, but this year has been way more emotional than those 5 years of not really knowing what the heck was going on. I'm ready for it to come to an end and let us be on our way to the next chapter of our lives...is that too much to ask for? I don't think so :)