06 June, 2011

Wine nights are tha best ♥

I have been avoiding my blog like the plague these days *sorry*. lol. Since I'm currently waiting to have surgery in July and there's nothing really happening on the fertility front I have been in a rather anxious slash...depressive mood. The BC makes me emotional and really angry inside, I literally wake up some mornings in an angry mood...just simply pissed off in general! I don't like that feeling :/ Yuck! I think I'll ask Coral to change it next time around. I've probably sat down at least 3 times to make a blog post and have only been able to get a few sentences in before giving up because my brain has been stuck swimming in a pool of useless emotions. My mind has had many, many thoughts but nothing has wanted to come out. Yesterday, I finally logged in I had 3 saved drafts, all of which were short, sad and pathetic...haha. I decided last week that I was tired of feeling so crappy everyday, so I got a fitness membership at our local recreation center! I've been wanting to do it for a while, but procrastination got the best of me every time.

This last year of TTC has put a some strain on my weight and emotions. I've been on hormones and eating unhealthy crappy junk food... I guess you could say - I've been an emotional eater for the last several months. I can't continue on like this anymore so something definitely has to change now and soon. I'm 5 feet 3 1/2 inches tall and weighed myself at 140 pounds last week...Eeek!! It's not horrible but it's not great for my body type. I've been really lazy :/ I need to regain my natural energy and toned body again. Now, don't get me wrong, I know I'm not overweight...I'm just out of shape and a little flabby in some areas. I have to start doing something that will make me feel better about myself inside and out and it's something that will benefit the mind and body, and not just on a physical side but the emotional level as well. I started cardio on Thursday and just three days of 40 min each day has made me feel tons better already. The rec is a short drive from my house so it makes it really easy to get up and do it before going into work :) The first day I was super pumped and motivated, the second day I got on the elliptical, made it 15 minutes and thought I was going to die. My legs were burning like a *beeep*. I sat down sweating my ass off and contemplated leaving or maybe trying again the next day, but then a really awesome song came on my ipod and I decided I'd use the treadmill and push through my "cry-baby* feelings. Besides...I couldn't let the 80 year old woman on the elliptical show me up. ps...*I want to be that lady when I'm old and gray, she was rockin it" I felt accomplished at the end of day knowing that I didn't give up :)

Day three was great!! They are closed on Sundays so that will be one of my off days. So... Sunday I had a meeting at work, came home, ate an awesome lunch with my hard working Pnut and then headed out to Anna's house for a much needed girls night! I haven't seen her since our trip to Oklahoma. Anna made homemade guacamole *amazing*, heated up some queso, cracked open a bottle of Miscado, finished it on the patio and then moved on the the Lambrusco :) We sat on the patio a little while longer and watched a summer rain-shower say hello, it was beautiful! We then watched the HBO Monster Ball Special for Lady Gaga. *sigh* It was like being at her concert all over again! I had a great time seeing her as always and it really felt good to get out and be social. I also made plans this week to visit Jared *which I did today* and Misty tomorrow evening. I've been such a hermit lately. I haven't really been a good friend either, I've pretty much been avoiding people just like my blog...hahaha. I haven't gone to visit anyone one or call anyone :/ But - I'm trying to get myself back into the swing of my things!! *pre-infertility craziness* of course lol. I feel like I'm taking the right steps and that's really all that matters right now. One day at a time - as they always say.

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