20 May, 2011

Living in the funk...

Blah - freaking blah! That is what I have to say about today. Ugh...

I feel like I need to cry, scream, pout, stomp my feet, feel sorry for myself or all of the above. I'm not 100% sure why, I just know it's in there *my tears* waiting for the perfect moment of silence to unleash a flood of salty emotions across my face. I hate being in a funk like this...Errr :/ I hate when I feel my emotions have taken over the wheel and are happily playing a cruel trick on me.

I need a big fat double vodka tonic on tha fly! with a lime and maybe even a shot on the side. Yep - that would definitely do the trick today.

I'm still waiting for the results from my scans. I called Coral yesterday and she said "Dr. Laura just got back home and would be logging on to review your scans sometime in the next week". She's on medical leave so I'm playing the waiting game still. It's not her fault and it's not the worst thing in the world but good-lord it frustrates me beyond anything. It feels like July is forever away. Coral said that I probably wouldn't know anything about my scans until my pre-op visit. Unless Dr. Laura sees something of concern other than the cyst's, then she'll call and let Coral know who will then call me... My CA-125 levels were elevated to a 146 and I still don't really know whether that's a problem, I guess they really don't know either until surgery. Coral said that Dr. Laura would try and get with me before my pre-op but in all honesty it looks like I'll just be waiting till July. So I guess no news is good news in this case. I'm bummed though...I just want to get past this and move on, I feel as if I'm stuck like Chuck and my patients are starting to get thin *they weren't very thick to begin with*. The worst part is that I have no control over anything and I just have to wait it out some more! *very long sigh* In June it will officially be a year since we started seeing someone for our infertility problems and we are pretty much in the same place as before. Yes I know, we are a little bit closer, but to be honest that doesn't really mean shit to me right now... It's disappointing, seeing babies and pregnant women lately has made me feel slightly bitter inside. I've been pretty good at controlling my jealous *wanna-be-mom* feelings but it's really hard sometimes:( I know this shall pass and I won't always feel this way, but today I just have to get it all out because it's driving me crazy inside.

I feel a sad movie night coming on. Hahaha. When I get this way I usually have to watch a sappy sad movie to unleash the sadness within myself. It won't be too difficult tonight...it's been building for days and I can't wait to just leave work and have myself a personal pity party - Party of 1 please. On a side note I painted my bathroom this week and it looks pretty awesome if I do say so myself! The walls are painted in a Turquoise with chocolate brown trim :) I plan to buy more paint next week and paint the bedroom and possibly the back living room...although I'm still debating on what colors! Ugh - so many decisions when it comes to paint. Maybe that will pull me out of this bad mood I've become friends with...lol

1 comment:

  1. I have that same color on my bedroom wall...no joke. Its called Lagoon. Good choice.


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