19 January, 2011

A girl can dream can't she?

My dreams have been really active lately... yet I haven't quite been able to put one full dream together :/ During the day I have daydream moments or when I'm really concentrating on something I get these flashes of memories that I know I didn't have in real life and they are so fresh...so they must be from dreams I've been having. There for a while every time I stood at the sink to do dishes I would get into this zone and clean and think about random shit... I'd have these same type memory/dreams...it's almost as if I was so in tune with myself in that moment that I was able to let everything flow to the surface. Kind of like being in a zen moment. They are very odd dreams that don't make much sense... just random thoughts about stuff from the previous days or about finding stuff I've lost or broken. I feel as though I'm leading up to one of my epic dreams..lol. I haven't had a really good one in a while. The moon in the sign of cancer tonight... It was beautiful and bright hanging there in the sky :) Something about looking up at the moon makes me feel secure deep inside...I know that is silly but it really puts me back in my place. When I think things have gone crazy I just look up and try to remember where I am in the big scheme of things...it's so easy to forget sometimes!

I have been feeling very mechanical lately, as if I am attached to a magical pulley system that get's me from point A to point B. Like nothing I do requires a lot of thought or maybe I'm just floating along the ripples of the day, doing what I do everyday; maintaining the emotional realm of "Crito". I hate feeling this way..errrr even thought I know the feeling wont last forever it just frustrates me that I can't always control how easily I let things break me down. I get this way in between cycles waiting and hoping to see if it has worked. The in-between time takes forever and then suddenly *Boom* your cycle starts...and then it's another trip uphill on a roller-coaster ride! Ugh...you just have to numb down your brain a bit so you don't have a complete emotional freak-out. I was looking at the calendar and if I did get pregnant this time around, I'd be due on Josh's Birthday and if not maybe next month, because then I would be due on Halloween!! Hey...a girl can dream can't she!?!

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