23 December, 2010

Sometimes all you need is a good long cry.

I feel so much better this morning.. *sigh*

Yesterday was a very emotionally difficult day. I cried all the way home from work..my radio is on the outs so it was silent and I knew that the flood gates would just open as soon as I shut the car door. I dried up a bit before going inside..Josh was very sweet. I love him for that! He didn't bombard me with silly words like "it will happen when it happens" or " If it's meant to be" He just simply sat there and looked at me with soft eyes and let me cry. He came over and hugged me and held me while I sobbed into his shoulder.. That was exactly what I needed from him and nothing more. We really are in tune with one another in moments where we are our weakest. I watched a movie and made a 1am trip to wal-mart. Luckily it wasn't that crowded...considering its only two days away from Christmas. After that...my tears were pretty much dried up for the day. I went to bed late and got up around ten this morning. I called my doctor to let them know I started my cycle...boooo!! I always talk to my doctors nurse, Susan..she is a very sweet woman. She herself went through years of fertility treatment and now has a little boy..so she definitely understands all the things I'm feeling right now and its comforting to talk with someone who has been through it. They are going to let me do a few more months of Clomid. I asked her if it was a waste of time to continue with the Clomid. She looked over Josh's swim team analysis. He has a 95.5 million sperm, he has strong concentration 75 million, and 45% motility which has to be 25% or higher, she listed other levels which were all good too but I can't remember them all..so everything but the Morphology is good it's only 2% and should be at least 4% or higher. With such a high count of total sperm even with just a 2% morph..that should still give him at least a few million good ones. I have been ovulating great this whole time and my progesterone levels have been really high 26 last month and 16 this month so that is really good. So after talking with her I decided to go ahead and do a couple more rounds of the Clomid. Last night I was over it and ready to throw the towel in and run away scared so this morning I felt good asking her to go ahead and call the prescription in. After a month or two they will write up the referral for the Reproduction Endocrinologist. I think we would have more luck doing the IUI. We'll see..she told me when I see the RE they will do some pretty extensive testing. So we may also discover another reason why we're not getting pregnant. *Sigh* what a bumpy journey we are on. I have to work today and then I'm off for Christmas Eve and Christmas day..thank the Gods! lol

Merry Christmas everyone and I hope you are all blessed with a fabulous New Year..so hard to believe its going to be 2011.

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