25 October, 2010

Clomid round 2 and Pumpkin Carving

October has officially arrived :) Today I met Misty and Jillian at a park in Fort Worth to carve pumpkins!! What a way to bring in the festivities of Halloween also known as "All Hallows Eve"..my favorite Holiday of all American celebrated Holidays. Christmas is for the kids, although I do love to decorate and I always have Christmas songs stuck in my head for the whole month of December and some of November.lol..Thanksgiving is for food and family..Halloween is for fantasy, fun and friends, sugar... I ♥ it. A pagan Holiday to be celebrate with joy, laughter and friends. Carving pumpkins today surrounded by strong feminine energy is just what I needed to keep me from the *funk*. It was a soulful coming together of souls traveling a similar path, an amazing sun warming our bodies and hearts, truly a beautiful Autumn day. Anna also came out to see me on Thursday and it too was just what the doctor ordered. We got dolled up and wend out for drinks downtown. I had the best night I've had in a long time. We got tipsy, smoked a bunch of cigg's(which probably not a good choice for the fertility department) on the patio of the Library and just talked about so much. It was very therapeutic and refreshing to get some stuff out of my head and in to the mind of someone I trust with my heart. I love her!! I sometimes can't believe I've known her for so long. Anna knows me so well..sometimes it's kind of scary haha in a good way tho..lol. I love having girl time too. I always try and escape over to Sarah or Jen's house when I don't have a good schedule to go out and see people who live far *gas is expensive :/ . They are also really good listeners and I just love them..I'm luck to have such awesome girlfriends in my life..I feel loved. After the last two weeks of being emotional I needed to let my walls down and speak about my heart and minds sadness and in a way grief... Infertility is very emotional and it's deep, it causes insecurities to rise from within and you are forced to face them and learn from them..or else you will not move on or grow from the experience. I could go on about how it makes me feel..but I want to be positive! Although it's hard to feel that way sometimes..it's not the end of the world. I just have to really be aware of my thoughts and try and understand them before freaking out. I start my second round of Clomid tomorrow..well actually today since it's about 2am. I'm excited to try again heheh I'm refreshed and positive and now that I've gone through the first month of it...I kind of know what to expect this second time. It was like a roller coaster ride the first month but I feel better now than a week ago. I was pretty frustrated and just bummed that this wasn't the month for us. My emotions were kind out of whack. I guess in the back of your mind you kind of think "well maybe this first month is all it will take" without realizing it you've gotten your emotions so caught up in the "what if" instead of just taking it "day by day". Ugh..that's a hell of a lot easier said then done..lol. The one thing I was really excited about was that my cycle finally started on it's own on CD 42 *happy dance* I was really not excited about having to take a whole new drug to get things going again.. So this month I'm going to try and stress less about every little thing I feel..and just ride the waves as best as I can. It's going to happen sooner or later..it will!

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