26 August, 2010

Clomid...here we come!!

Today is a good day!! My Doctor called this morning to explain things a bit more. And I must say that I feel much more positive than I did yesterday. I just honestly was a little in shock..and didn't quite know what, or how to feel. So she basically said that he has such a high sperm count that the morphology should not be that huge of a concern. It's definitely a factor at this point since we haven't conceived in 5 years. We kind of stopped trying so hard after that first year of no results and thought well it will happen. Well we are back on track and focused; so perhaps this time will be better for us.

We are..lol I mean I am going to start taking Clomid on my next cycle. I will see her next week to get the prescription and go over our "care plan". If the Clomid doesn't work then we will be referred to an RE "reproduction endocrinologist" and discuss IUI artificial insemination.. IUI is less expensive then IVF..so what ever we can do before getting to that point would be great!

I'm really excited and have high hopes, but there is still this little part in the back of my head that says "don't get overly excited, because it's possible this may not work" and then I think "well don't be negative" and I'm not negative.. But I do have to be realistic with my goals and emotions. I don't want to be completely dragged through the mud with this whole experience. I mean I guess that's going to happen anyway..I just don't want to be so broken inside that I can't move on.

I called all the mothers hehe..that would me My Grandmother, Sheila and Mom and of course Anna, Sarah, Misty and my Jen-Star..they are my support group, my amazing amazon warrior women :) They are all excited and relieved as well.. In a way..their excitement kind of fuels me and let's me know that it's okay to feel excited, and that everything is going to be okay in the long run. I love them all and I am so grateful to have each of their strong female influences in my life. We've gone for at least 5 years with no luck..so I sorta lost hope and stopped getting excited about whether or not I would ever get pregnant, and now starting to feel hope again is a little scary and intensely exciting.

It feels really therapeutic to finally talk out loud about it with our family and friends, I feel like we are not alone on this path and that we have a strong family to catch us if we fall brokenhearted . I remember so many times before waiting each month to see if I would feel different, would my breast be tender, was a I a day late, and did it mean something or thinking "this is going to be the month" and it never was.. I felt less of a woman, as if something were wrong with me, perhaps I was defective in some way. Today there is a light at the end of a tunnel. We have embarked on a journey that will hopefully have good results..and if not then we will be able to move on with our lives and start to heal from the pain of infertility.


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