26 August, 2010

Clomid...here we come!!

Today is a good day!! My Doctor called this morning to explain things a bit more. And I must say that I feel much more positive than I did yesterday. I just honestly was a little in shock..and didn't quite know what, or how to feel. So she basically said that he has such a high sperm count that the morphology should not be that huge of a concern. It's definitely a factor at this point since we haven't conceived in 5 years. We kind of stopped trying so hard after that first year of no results and thought well it will happen. Well we are back on track and focused; so perhaps this time will be better for us.

We are..lol I mean I am going to start taking Clomid on my next cycle. I will see her next week to get the prescription and go over our "care plan". If the Clomid doesn't work then we will be referred to an RE "reproduction endocrinologist" and discuss IUI artificial insemination.. IUI is less expensive then IVF..so what ever we can do before getting to that point would be great!

I'm really excited and have high hopes, but there is still this little part in the back of my head that says "don't get overly excited, because it's possible this may not work" and then I think "well don't be negative" and I'm not negative.. But I do have to be realistic with my goals and emotions. I don't want to be completely dragged through the mud with this whole experience. I mean I guess that's going to happen anyway..I just don't want to be so broken inside that I can't move on.

I called all the mothers hehe..that would me My Grandmother, Sheila and Mom and of course Anna, Sarah, Misty and my Jen-Star..they are my support group, my amazing amazon warrior women :) They are all excited and relieved as well.. In a way..their excitement kind of fuels me and let's me know that it's okay to feel excited, and that everything is going to be okay in the long run. I love them all and I am so grateful to have each of their strong female influences in my life. We've gone for at least 5 years with no luck..so I sorta lost hope and stopped getting excited about whether or not I would ever get pregnant, and now starting to feel hope again is a little scary and intensely exciting.

It feels really therapeutic to finally talk out loud about it with our family and friends, I feel like we are not alone on this path and that we have a strong family to catch us if we fall brokenhearted . I remember so many times before waiting each month to see if I would feel different, would my breast be tender, was a I a day late, and did it mean something or thinking "this is going to be the month" and it never was.. I felt less of a woman, as if something were wrong with me, perhaps I was defective in some way. Today there is a light at the end of a tunnel. We have embarked on a journey that will hopefully have good results..and if not then we will be able to move on with our lives and start to heal from the pain of infertility.


Morphology Smorphology..

So our test results came back..kind of discouraging!! Everything on my end checks out well. My tubes are clear and uterus looks good, my hormones seem normal and Josh has plenty of swimmers...but has low morphology. Which means that even though he's got a good count, they don't really perform that well, they are shaped funny.. It is discouraging. I thought something might have been up, because he had the swim team tested last Tuesday, I had my HSG on Friday. I called Monday and left a message..no response..I called Tuesday..nothing. So I called again today (wed) and the nurse did not call me until almost 5.. She read a few things off and told me about the morphology, but said that my doctor would look at everything and call me tomorrow. Errr! Well we wanted answers and we are certainly getting them. Maybe not the ones we want but at least they are answers. Hopefully there is something we can do to improve the morph numbers..

I'm nervous, I feel kind of bad for Josh, he seems to be handling it well, but this whole time I really thought it was me..deep down inside I just felt that it was me, hummm. Well no matter what we will get through this. We have love, family and friends to support us along the way.. I'm going to do a lot of research and just read everything I can to fully understand what we are dealing with. I guess in a way..I found love so easily that it's only normal I would have to work in order to have a child..lol


22 August, 2010

On a journey to Baby Bliss...

The journey to baby bliss has started...

After about 5 years of trying we’ve had no luck on our own. So rather than continuing to be depressed about the whole situation; I decided it was time to figure everything out. I saw my doctor about a month ago, and pretty much broke down and cried throughout the entire visit. She just sat there and listened patiently as I sobbed and went through several tissues. It was very emotional and relieving at the same time. She said that 5 years was long enough to wait and immediately set me up for hormone testing. So for the past month I’ve had my hormones tested, Josh got his swim team tested on Tuesday of last week, and Friday I went in for an HSG test; to find our whether or not my uterus and fallopian tubes are clear and normal looking. So hopefully Monday or Tuesday I should hear from my doctor so we can go over the tests. I’m praying for good results and possibly something simple to help us…

It’s been deeply emotional and painful to watch all of my friends and family get pregnant and start their own lil families. I ready for it to be our turn. Josh and I have had 12 amazing years together, we’ve had time to really get to know each other and be comfortable with each other, we’ve had lots of fun and are ready to have something else to focus on. We are getting to the stage now where we really feel this emptiness. We have the dog’s and Eva our iguana…but it’s just not enough to fill that hole if ya know what I mean…although I do love my babies (The dogs) they really make my heart melt when I get home and are so excited to see me. lol

It’s going to be an interesting ride to say the least…
So fingers crossed that we get some good news!!