28 July, 2009

Love and its charismatic anger

There she stood in the middle of the room trash bag in hand, her mind spinning, hands on her hips, tears pouring from her red and puffy face. Thoughts were fighting, screaming and shoving about inside her head, like birds fluttering in a rattled birdcage…She could not think of any more words to explain her frustration, and she could not make the throbbing anger subside; for it boiled inside her with in such a ferocious grip. He sat there before her, with a fierce face and strong words, his walls were up and they were high, he seems so powerful at times, so intimidating… a force not to be messed with…She just starred at him, his lips were moving and everything that came from his mouth was painfully hard to bear and at times a little too dramatic for her tastes, she could not understand his need for control, nor his insecurities being projected at her…his words were logical in one aspect and completely irrational in another, they stung her like a bee, he was unbeatable, selfish, and cold. Neither of them could see past their own wounds …She was about to explode, her mind was just not in the right place, and he was pressing all the right buttons…unable to contain herself. Her emotions enveloped her like the rising sun on a very sleepy city…she just let go and allowed them to carry her away, call it a moment of insanity, hormones, what ever you want! To her it was a moment of emotional self defense, pride, and hardheadedness spilling from her heart and mouth, she had lost all control…There was a slamming of the door, and then another, a few shouts that came out in a high-pitched scream, “Shuuuut Up” She had never lashed out like this. What was going on…she thought “Why again are we fighting, what started this”, . She was stunned and then immediately regretful of her actions...Her childlike behavior, her inability to control herself… But she had enough! No longer could she contain her ever dwindling sanity, and play the game of words. He was a skilled player… Sobs echoed from the bathroom, as she sat at the edge of the tub, head tightly held in her sweaty and shaky hands, her heart pounded feeling as if it would jump out of her chest and slap her across the face. She was now full of guilt and anger, anger that she had been pushed to the edge, guilty for lashing out with no class, she was animal like and raw, roaring loudly… Why was her anger playing her like a puppet, as if she were under some sort of mind control or spell? Was she really that weak? Why had she let herself take the bait and be dragged into a fire pit of swelling emotion, why not let it be, and wait for it to pass… what could possibly make the delicate bird so frazzled….so angry? Anger that swelled deep inside; of which came around in full force every great while…She desired her own thought at times he took it from her, she needs her own opinions, her own existence as a free thinking human being, as a creative and passionate creature…She does not want to be judged by that who claims to be her true love, she must be allowed to spread the beautiful wings that first attracted him… why was she allowing this to ensue? Was he unconsciously robbing her of her own unique identity, was he manipulating her very thought processes, trying to break her down so that she may be more even more malleable. Was she her self so riddled with insecurities that she could not understand his true nature …Did he really lover her, as much as he said he did...So many thought’s consumer her in this epic moment of pure and natural human instinct, the ultimate battle of one’s right to be heard and ones own understood falling through the floor. …Is it him, or is it really her; just losing control? Or are they both just held in the clutches of a deep growing love that’s constantly stretching and molding them to fit into shape, they are forced to bond in way’s never thought about, never imagined, and way’s that hurt along the way… those will be the moments that define them as a couple…where they go from there is what matters most…their love will override any amount of anger given a nights rest and a day of quiet understanding…Reflection is a beautiful part in it’s self. Because that is when they will learn the lessons that are meant to be found… and carried on...

To Love and its many mysteries..


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