12 July, 2009

helping him find his self again...

It’s been 3 weeks since I dropped my Brother off at a rehab facility in Dallas…we left early in the morning and drove into to Dallas from downtown fort worth…it’ was a drive that I will remember for quite a while…or at least I can say it will stick with me for years to come…The sky was unforgettable that morning…just beautiful..And since I'm so not an early riser I had to take pictures of the sunrise...absolutely breathtaking.

For several months my brother has been spiraling downward from a relapse with methanphetamines, or speed, ice, Tina..... My uncle a dealer, was just handing it over to him, so that he could use my brothers car...so my Brother just completely fell of the wagon...getting money any which way he could to pay for that "last" little bag, staying gone for 8 hours when he was just supposed to go and get a pack of cigarettes..he'd been unstable, unstoppable, without a solid foundation to stand on...absolutely no willpower! I can honestly say I understand because I myself had been there about 3 years ago...I was an addict for a few years so a large part of me can understand where my brother's desperation comes from...that addictive nature that runs through our blood and tickles our brains in the most natural way...that desperate need to escapes one's current reality. He was on the road to living under a bridge in no time if he didn't get help..."Cover your pain with a veil of meth and you won't care about yourself, anyone, or anything around you" It's a sad place to be, it's lonely and Meth steals away your conscious mind, it takes control of you and you're just locked up in your head without the will to want to fight...I was thankful when he called me in tears, crying. It was time for something to be done. I would like to say that my side of the family is supportive, and they are in a strange way. However they are rather negative people, and when you are surrounded by negativity it's even harder to fight your own battles ...

He had a huge bowl of fruity pebbles before I picked him up, Teresa was waiting patiently ( his wife) he had his bag packed and a smile on her face...He was ready to go...On the way we jammed to some old Rock with the occasional hip hop song, I could feel that it was lifting him up a bit...As we got closer he became more agitated, and said he was so nervous. He felt he ws going to throw up...I just said.."Hey You're gonna be just fine" He smoked his last cigarette on the way and when we got there we had to wait outside with all the other people who were checking into homeward bound Trinity center..He got freaked out when we first pulled up, there were bums, homeless people all over the lawn, he immediately got scared started to feel very negative about the whole situation, he said "I don't think this is the right place for me to be at" I said.."CJ do you see those people? That is who you are going to be if you do not try this rehab out, you will wind up like them faster than you can imagine"..The difference is that my brother chose to check himself into rehab, the other's were there either by police force, or mandatory per the state, CPS, probation...etc....But I think it was good for him to see it like that, see those people whom had already lost more control than he could imagine...He needed to see what life is like when you don't seek help on your own...It's never good to just see what happens...you have to find help or someone that can help you...Addiction is a road well traveled, but most of it's travelers are left with soulless bodies that are broken down and weak" I love my Brother with all of my heart..I will be there for him in any way possible...I love him that's all I can say..and I hope that he's found at least some part of himself that had been lost.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Leave some Luv