18 August, 2006

What is love?

What is love to you?

How does it make you feel,
how do you make others feel loved,
and how do you need to be loved?

Those are questions people should ask themselves, often.

If Love... is the answer to your life long math equation, then what are the correct variables?

Have you found them? Do you even know where to look?

To me this is love, how I do it, and how I survive it. How you love a person is a very important factor in any relationship.Each person is a different, well-calculated math equation, not all variables work for everyone. Some people need only a few variables to complete the problem, where as some need more than they can carry. I watch as some of my very good friends wade through the shores of this vast sea we call love. I wonder why and how Josh and I are able to have made it this far, I don't call it luck, because love is not lucky, love is hidden beneath layers of emotional clutter, hiding in the crevices of your mind, and taunting you through the night. You need it like a drug, you seek it like a baby taking its first breath, and you feel as though you are not complete with out it.

I ask myself what I can tell my friends, who are wandering down that heartbreak road, and I realize that the only thing I can offer is honesty, an open mind, and a nurturing soul. I cant give anyone the correct answers, because what works for Josh and I, well its a special recipe one with ingredients others might be allergic to. I do however offer experiences of my own accord, heartbreaks within my self, and failures that are written all over my body. You give your spirit for someone to lean on; you don't give your physical self to be trampled upon.

When I think about how we've come this far, there are no simple quick fixes, there are not even maps to get around, and its merely a question you need to ask your self.
Do I see whats right in front of me? Or do I see a mirage that I have consciously created from the depths of my inability to see forward.

I seem to notice that people have an idea of what love is supposed to be, and honestly when I was young and thought of love, I never would have imagined it this way. However I must say, that having a strong love with Josh the way I do, I could never have imagined it being this right. And as difficult as it seems at times, the very base of the things called love is rather easy Yes, we get mad at one another, we even get vindictive in a slight way, we cry, and get really pissed off at one another. But when we fight, the fight doesn't snuggle up in bed with us, we don't cuss at each other, and we don't hit below the belt.

Your lover is supposed to be your friend, not someone you're competing with. Sometimes I cant always express everything I am feeling, but I start to and then he gets it, and even if he doesn't fully get why I freak out, or cry, or get jealous, he understands that I am a human being and that I am intuitive, that I feel the world around me in a very different way than he does. He sees the wheels spinning in my head and he knows whats up.

In a relationship you have to spend a lot of time, not thinking selfishly. Ya, he may have said something that hurt my feelings, but the world isn't coming to an end. Sometime when I don't understand something from him, I think about how I'm currently thinking about it, and then I backtrack I go all the way to the other side, so I can have an idea what hes seeing through his eyes and how hes feeling it. When you don't understand someone don't get angry, travel into your head and find all the little notes you have written about this person, sifting through the written past you'll find the reasons and answers hidden deep beneath it all. And if people would just take the time to honestly listen to one another, then you could hear what each other is calling out for.

I see often that people in relationships are focused on their self, yes its wonderful to focus on your self to an extent but the world doesn't revolve around your emotional core. When in a serious relationship, you think of you and your special someone, when you make decisions whether or not they are involved you still think of them, how will they be affected by this decision, will they approve, like it, not understand. We've all been there, suddenly you are wanting to do something, and then you get irritated that you have to stop and think of what that person will think, even though its irritating and thinking of them might make you change your mind, its called love. Its what you do when you truly care about someone else.

Instead of making a choice based solely upon what you want is the most damaging thing you can do when in a relationship. There are many times where I go freely about my day, doing things the way I need, but when it comes to knowing whats waiting for me at home, I try and figure out the better choice, even if its not what I want to do. But if you can do that for someone else, then you are doing well.

When I chose to go off and be an idiot, and party when I know I really shouldn't, that's selfish. Ive done it before and let me tell you, a the time its a ball even a blast, but then going home and looking into Josh's eyes, knowing I fucked up, its worse than coming down. People give you respect and trust, trusting that you'll handle their hearts with care. And now some people may say, well its your life you can do what you want.

No, no No. That is the wrong way to go about it, I think.

I married this person, I made a choice, and in order to lead a happy life and continue being loved, I must respect the boundaries we've created as a couple.

When you get married or your with someone for a really long time, you kind of create these invisible rules and guidelines that are only understandable by you and your sign-other. Now, you know what things will fly, and what things don't, well when you start saying to yourself, I'm just going to do it and its going to be okay, I'm an adult I can run my life. Well no it doesn't work that way, if you really want someone to love you. I'm not saying that Josh puts his foot down on my and keeps me trapped, in fact I have lots of freedom. What I'm trying to say is that we know what were doing, and when were doing something wrong, or something that's damaging to our self and others, if in your heart you feel that your sign-other would disapprove, then wait a minute and ask them what they think. You may never know if they will agree or disagree unless you step up be a Bold person and see what they think.

The best gift you can give to someone you love, is thought, and a feeling that they are also thought of even when you're doing your own thing. Its not a hard thing to do, and it really makes a difference.

I wish for my friends to find a love that last them a lifetime. And even if they do not stumble upon it, I wish to always give them my friendship for times of need. Sometimes love comes from people you never expected. Sometimes love is more than just a sexual feeling. Sometimes a love can even be a painfully crafted ending, to a long winding road.

I know its a lot of hard work, as I have worked hard on my own relationship, Ive had to change myself in small ways over long periods of time, but for the most part I have changed to be a better person, someone who is deep, understanding, and someone who will always listen. There is so much that I learned from others experiences, I am grateful to share my experiences in hopes that someone may look at them and see something they didn't understand before. Its really all we can do for one another. I have much to learn myself, so much more.
Again I don't have all the answers, although I wish I could have at least 25% of them, I still dig deep into the depths of myself when I am lost, there you will find the answers to questions you didn't realize you were even asking.

Love is different for everyone, love is a mixture of pain, laughter, sorrow, and Excitement, and you cant just have a love that's sweet, cute, It has to be raw, and real. One ingredient surely wont do the trick, so take the pain, sorrow, and on your way to tomorrow, throw it over your shoulder and let lose an amazing laughter, you will find your self along the way I promise.